I know this is a bit off the subject of this forum section, but hey, we are dedicated ASU Fans, and what better way to support our team!!!
Let us know if you have some good ones, we are always looking for new material, but let's try to keep it clean...
Q.) How many U of A jokes are there?
A.) One, all the rest are TRUE!!!
Q.) Why do U of A Alumni put their diploma
A.) So they can LEGALLY park in the Handicap Parking Space!!!
A U of A grad is pushed into a Service Station in his Pinto.
The mechanic (an ASU student) says, "What's the matter?" he says, "It just conked out on me." The mechanic works on the car for a few minutes, and soon it's purring like a kitten.
The wildcat fan says, "What's the story?"
The mechanic replies, "Crap in the carburetor."
To which the wildcat asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Q.) What do you call U of A Alumni playing golf with a 120 I.Q.??
A.) A Foursome!!
Q.) What does a U of A Graduate say to the ASU SUN DEVIL Graduate?
A.) Would you like fries with that??
Q.) What do you get when you complete the activities sheet at Denny's?
A.) Accepted to the U of A!!
On their honeymoon the U of A grad told his bride, "I have a confession that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship."
"What is it?" she asked.
"I'm a golfer," he said.
"What's the big deal about that?" she asked.
He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf - golf wins."
She pondered a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty.
In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. I'm a hooker."
"No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up.
Q.) What's the difference between the girls at U of A and garbage?
A.) Garbage gets taken out once in a while!!
Q.) Did you hear they're going to move the OJ Simpson trial to Tucson?
A.) Yep, they wanted to move it to a community that knew NOTHING about football!!
Q.) What's the difference between the U of A cheerleaders and the Titanic?
A.) ONLY a couple of thousand people went down on the Titanic!!
Q.) Why do U of A students wear hats all the time?
A.) So they know which end to wipe!!
When a U of A fan attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Tempe street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A University police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. '
The (SUN DEVIL) owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Q.) What is the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead wildcat in the middle of the road?
A.) There are skid marks in front of the dog!!
Q.) What do the wildcats and Marijuana have in common?
A.) They both get smoked in a bowl.
Q.) How do you get a U of A graduate off your front porch?
A.) Pay him for the pizza!
Q.) How do we know Jesus wasn't born in Tucson?
A.) Because we can't find three wise men or any virgins there!!
Q.) How can you tell if an u of a student has been using the computer???
A.) There's white-out on the screen!!!!!
Q.) How can you tell if another u of a student has been using the same computer???
A.) There's writing over the white-out!!!!
Two young men were sharing an elevator in the Banc One Center in Tempe.
The first young man looked at the other and said "Gee, you must be a graduate of Arizona State University".
The second looked at him rather astonished, and remarked "Well yes, as a matter of fact I am. What in the world made you surmise that?"
The first young man answered; "Well, your suit is immaculate, your grooming is impeccable and you have all the indisputable airs of an ASU Grad."
The second young man replied, "And you, I can tell, graduated from U of A".
"Well, yes I did," said the first, "How on earth did you know that?" "I noticed your class ring while you were picking your nose", answered the SUN DEVIL!!
Q: What do you get when you have 32 wildcats in a room?
A: A full set of teeth!
Q: What’s the biggest argument two U of A grads have when they are going through a Divorce?
A: Who gets to keep the trailer?
Q: Why did the wildcat get thrown out of the M&M factory?
A: He complained that there were too many W's!!
Q.) Why do the girls at U of A have rectangular Breasts?
A.) Because they forgot to take the tissue out of the box!!!
Q.) Did you hear about the U of A graduate who is now CEO of a Fortune 500 company?
A.) Me neither.
Q.) Why should they replace the grass with artificial turf at the U of A Stadium?
A.) So the Cheerleaders will stop Grazing!
Three football fans were driving along when they noticed a body in the underbrush. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately they were too late. They discovered the nude body of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his SUN DEVIL hat over one of her breasts. The second guy, a Lumberjacks fan, placed his hat over her other breast. The wildcat fan then placed his hat over the woman's very private part. Soon the police arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked up the Sun Devil hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Lumberjack hat and returned it. Then he picked up the wildcat fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the wildcat fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert?" The coroner responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure this one out at all. Usually when I come across one of these U of A hats, there's an asshole under it."
Q.) What do you call a drug ring in Tucson ?
A.) A huddle.
Q.) How do you stop a wildcat from masturbating?
A.) Paint his "thing" maroon and gold and he can't beat it for years.
Q.) How many wildcat fans does it take to eat dinner?
A.) Three... 1 to eat it, and 2 to watch for cars.
Q.) How do you save a wildcat from drowning ??
A.) Take your foot off his head.
Q.) What do you call 144 wildcats?
A.) Gross Ignorance !!
Q.) If you have a car containing a wildcat wide receiver, a wildcat running back, and a wildcat linebacker, who is driving the car?
A.) The Cop !!
Q.) What's the difference between a U of A cheerleader and an elephant?
A.) A couple hundred pounds!!
- How do you make up the difference?
- Force feed the elephant!!
Q.) What's the difference between a Corvette and a girl from U of A ??
A.) Not everyone has been in a Corvette!
Q.) How many 'cats does it take to roof a house?
A.) Three, if you slice them real thin!!
Q.) What do sperm and any wildcat have in common?
A.) They both have a one in a billion chance to become human!!
Q.) What's the difference between a Wildcat and a bag of manure?
A.) The bag!!!
Q.) Why isn't it illegal in Tucson for men to wear skirts ??
A.) Because they have nothing to hide!
Q.) What do you get when you cross a pig with a wildcat ??
A.) Nothing, because there are some things even a pig wouldn't do!!
Q.) What do you call a wildcat football player wearing a suit?
A.) The defendant!!
Q.) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
A.) Tucson. He knew that the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner at the U of A.
The U of A has adopted a new “Honor System”
“Yes your Honor” and “No your Honor”
The U of A football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?"
All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal," they shouted with wildcat pride.
Q.) What are the longest three years of a U of A football player's life?
A.) His freshman year.
Q.) How many U of A freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A.) None. That's a sophomore course.
And I have to jump on the "trash Tennessee" wagon:
Q.) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
A.) So they can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men!" David exclaimed.
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring. She took Little David aside and asked, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David. "He coaches football for the University of Arizona, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
Four College Alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different college and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed
higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Bulldog
alumnus hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Georgia!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Volunteers alumnus threw himself off the mountain
proclaiming, "This is for Tennessee!" Seeing this, the SUN DEVIL walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone" and pushed the wildcat off the side of the mountain.
Q.) How do you get an u of a cheerleader in your room?
A.) Put lots of grease on her and push !!
Q.) What do NAU, U of A and ASU students have in common?
A.) They were all accepted to the U of A!!
Q.) When are U of A football players guaranteed not run up the score?
A.) When they are taking their SAT's!!
Q.) What do you get when you cross Monica Lewinsky and the U of A ?
A.) A team that can't swallow after they blow the big ones!!
Q.) How can you tell if a wildcat is a good cook?
A.) The Pop Tart is in one piece!!
Q.) What should you do if you find 3 wildcats stuck up to their necks in cement?
A.) Call for another truckload of cement!
Q.) What do you do when an U of A alumni throws a hand grenade at you?
A.) Pull the pin and throw it back.
Did you hear about the tornado that recently hit the U of A campus?
You didn't? I'm Surprised. It did over 2 million dollars worth of improvements
Q.) How can you tell it is Homecoming weekend at the U of A?
A.) The cheerleaders have braided their armpit hair !!