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Sports, Jokes, Movies & More => College Sports => ASU Sun Devils => Topic started by: Mike (AZBarbeque) on March 13, 2006, 09:00:13 pm
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I know this is a bit off the subject of this forum section, but hey, we are dedicated ASU Fans, and what better way to support our team!!!
Let us know if you have some good ones, we are always looking for new material, but let's try to keep it clean...
Q.) How many U of A jokes are there?
A.) One, all the rest are TRUE!!!
Q.) Why do U of A Alumni put their diploma
A.) So they can LEGALLY park in the Handicap Parking Space!!!
A U of A grad is pushed into a Service Station in his Pinto.
The mechanic (an ASU student) says, "What's the matter?" he says, "It just conked out on me." The mechanic works on the car for a few minutes, and soon it's purring like a kitten.
The wildcat fan says, "What's the story?"
The mechanic replies, "Crap in the carburetor."
To which the wildcat asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Q.) What do you call U of A Alumni playing golf with a 120 I.Q.??
A.) A Foursome!!
Q.) What does a U of A Graduate say to the ASU SUN DEVIL Graduate?
A.) Would you like fries with that??
Q.) What do you get when you complete the activities sheet at Denny's?
A.) Accepted to the U of A!!
On their honeymoon the U of A grad told his bride, "I have a confession that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship."
"What is it?" she asked.
"I'm a golfer," he said.
"What's the big deal about that?" she asked.
He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf - golf wins."
She pondered a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty.
In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. I'm a hooker."
"No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up.
Q.) What's the difference between the girls at U of A and garbage?
A.) Garbage gets taken out once in a while!!
Q.) Did you hear they're going to move the OJ Simpson trial to Tucson?
A.) Yep, they wanted to move it to a community that knew NOTHING about football!!
Q.) What's the difference between the U of A cheerleaders and the Titanic?
A.) ONLY a couple of thousand people went down on the Titanic!!
Q.) Why do U of A students wear hats all the time?
A.) So they know which end to wipe!!
When a U of A fan attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Tempe street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A University police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. '
The (SUN DEVIL) owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Q.) What is the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead wildcat in the middle of the road?
A.) There are skid marks in front of the dog!!
Q.) What do the wildcats and Marijuana have in common?
A.) They both get smoked in a bowl.
Q.) How do you get a U of A graduate off your front porch?
A.) Pay him for the pizza!
Q.) How do we know Jesus wasn't born in Tucson?
A.) Because we can't find three wise men or any virgins there!!
Q.) How can you tell if an u of a student has been using the computer???
A.) There's white-out on the screen!!!!!
Q.) How can you tell if another u of a student has been using the same computer???
A.) There's writing over the white-out!!!!
Two young men were sharing an elevator in the Banc One Center in Tempe.
The first young man looked at the other and said "Gee, you must be a graduate of Arizona State University".
The second looked at him rather astonished, and remarked "Well yes, as a matter of fact I am. What in the world made you surmise that?"
The first young man answered; "Well, your suit is immaculate, your grooming is impeccable and you have all the indisputable airs of an ASU Grad."
The second young man replied, "And you, I can tell, graduated from U of A".
"Well, yes I did," said the first, "How on earth did you know that?" "I noticed your class ring while you were picking your nose", answered the SUN DEVIL!!
Q: What do you get when you have 32 wildcats in a room?
A: A full set of teeth!
Q: What’s the biggest argument two U of A grads have when they are going through a Divorce?
A: Who gets to keep the trailer?
Q: Why did the wildcat get thrown out of the M&M factory?
A: He complained that there were too many W's!!
Q.) Why do the girls at U of A have rectangular Breasts?
A.) Because they forgot to take the tissue out of the box!!!
Q.) Did you hear about the U of A graduate who is now CEO of a Fortune 500 company?
A.) Me neither.
Q.) Why should they replace the grass with artificial turf at the U of A Stadium?
A.) So the Cheerleaders will stop Grazing!
Three football fans were driving along when they noticed a body in the underbrush. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately they were too late. They discovered the nude body of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his SUN DEVIL hat over one of her breasts. The second guy, a Lumberjacks fan, placed his hat over her other breast. The wildcat fan then placed his hat over the woman's very private part. Soon the police arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked up the Sun Devil hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Lumberjack hat and returned it. Then he picked up the wildcat fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the wildcat fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert?" The coroner responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure this one out at all. Usually when I come across one of these U of A hats, there's an asshole under it."
Q.) What do you call a drug ring in Tucson ?
A.) A huddle.
Q.) How do you stop a wildcat from masturbating?
A.) Paint his "thing" maroon and gold and he can't beat it for years.
Q.) How many wildcat fans does it take to eat dinner?
A.) Three... 1 to eat it, and 2 to watch for cars.
Q.) How do you save a wildcat from drowning ??
A.) Take your foot off his head.
Q.) What do you call 144 wildcats?
A.) Gross Ignorance !!
Q.) If you have a car containing a wildcat wide receiver, a wildcat running back, and a wildcat linebacker, who is driving the car?
A.) The Cop !!
Q.) What's the difference between a U of A cheerleader and an elephant?
A.) A couple hundred pounds!!
- How do you make up the difference?
- Force feed the elephant!!
Q.) What's the difference between a Corvette and a girl from U of A ??
A.) Not everyone has been in a Corvette!
Q.) How many 'cats does it take to roof a house?
A.) Three, if you slice them real thin!!
Q.) What do sperm and any wildcat have in common?
A.) They both have a one in a billion chance to become human!!
Q.) What's the difference between a Wildcat and a bag of manure?
A.) The bag!!!
Q.) Why isn't it illegal in Tucson for men to wear skirts ??
A.) Because they have nothing to hide!
Q.) What do you get when you cross a pig with a wildcat ??
A.) Nothing, because there are some things even a pig wouldn't do!!
Q.) What do you call a wildcat football player wearing a suit?
A.) The defendant!!
Q.) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
A.) Tucson. He knew that the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner at the U of A.
The U of A has adopted a new “Honor System”
“Yes your Honor” and “No your Honor”
The U of A football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?"
All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal," they shouted with wildcat pride.
Q.) What are the longest three years of a U of A football player's life?
A.) His freshman year.
Q.) How many U of A freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A.) None. That's a sophomore course.
And I have to jump on the "trash Tennessee" wagon:
Q.) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
A.) So they can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men!" David exclaimed.
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring. She took Little David aside and asked, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David. "He coaches football for the University of Arizona, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
Four College Alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different college and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed
higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Bulldog
alumnus hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Georgia!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Volunteers alumnus threw himself off the mountain
proclaiming, "This is for Tennessee!" Seeing this, the SUN DEVIL walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone" and pushed the wildcat off the side of the mountain.
Q.) How do you get an u of a cheerleader in your room?
A.) Put lots of grease on her and push !!
Q.) What do NAU, U of A and ASU students have in common?
A.) They were all accepted to the U of A!!
Q.) When are U of A football players guaranteed not run up the score?
A.) When they are taking their SAT's!!
Q.) What do you get when you cross Monica Lewinsky and the U of A ?
A.) A team that can't swallow after they blow the big ones!!
Q.) How can you tell if a wildcat is a good cook?
A.) The Pop Tart is in one piece!!
Q.) What should you do if you find 3 wildcats stuck up to their necks in cement?
A.) Call for another truckload of cement!
Q.) What do you do when an U of A alumni throws a hand grenade at you?
A.) Pull the pin and throw it back.
Did you hear about the tornado that recently hit the U of A campus?
You didn't? I'm Surprised. It did over 2 million dollars worth of improvements
Q.) How can you tell it is Homecoming weekend at the U of A?
A.) The cheerleaders have braided their armpit hair !!
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Do you know why they built the city of Tucson?
So people would have a place to take a dump on the way back from visiting Mexico.
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Here are a few more for ya.... ENJOY!!!
A: Go south 'till you smell it, then left 'till you step in it.
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A freshman from the u of a walks into a pharmacy and asks for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little amused, explains to the freshman that they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the u of a freshman assures the pharmacist that he has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," the student protests.
"Do you have the container it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES!" says the freshman, "I'll go home and get it."
He returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who examines it and says to him, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the N. C. State freshman snatches the container back and reads aloud from the container,
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM!"
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Why doesn't the u of a football team have ice in their water on teh sidelines?
- Because the guy with the recipe graduated...
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A farmer was working his cattle one day when he heard faint music coming from nearby. After hunting about for a time, he discovered the sound was loudest near one particular calf, and was even louder near the calf's tail. Putting his head close to the calf's hind end, he heard the u of a fight song.
Amazed, he put the calf in the truck and drove the animal to
a veterinarian in Phoenix. When the vet asked him what was
going on, the farmer told him. The vet went around behind the calf and gave a listen too. He agreed he heard the u of a fight song but didn't seem particularly excited.
"Man, how can you stand there and not be amazed?" the farmer asked.
The vet, a third generation ARIZ
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Thought this would be appropriate once again this time of year..
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The Seven Dwarfs were marching along the edge of the Grand Canyon. The lead dwarf lost his footing and all seven tumbled into the chasm.
Snow White, who was following behind, peered over the edge of the canyon and called out to the fallen dwarfs.
From the depths of the deep hole a voice cried out, "The Wildcats are going to a bowl game."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God .... at least Dopey's survived." ;D ;D ;D
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;D ;D ;D Now that was FUNNY!!!
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Always some good ones.. ;)
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Q.) Why do U of A Alumni put their diploma
OK, where's the rest?
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Missing question
Here are a few more for ya.... ENJOY!!!
A: Go south 'till you smell it, then left 'till you step in it.
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A farmer was working his cattle one day when he heard faint music coming from nearby. After hunting about for a time, he discovered the sound was loudest near one particular calf, and was even louder near the calf's tail. Putting his head close to the calf's hind end, he heard the u of a fight song.
Amazed, he put the calf in the truck and drove the animal to
a veterinarian in Phoenix. When the vet asked him what was
going on, the farmer told him. The vet went around behind the calf and gave a listen too. He agreed he heard the u of a fight song but didn't seem particularly excited.
"Man, how can you stand there and not be amazed?" the farmer asked.
The vet, a third generation ARIZ
??
Mike, did you let a U of A grad work on your computer?
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All fixed up for you now Kitch.. ;)
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No the reason Mike cant spell and write understandable jokes is he went to ASU They dont learn english there
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You don't become the #1 Party School in America by learning English... There were more important things to learn... ;D >:D
What language did they teach at Northern Nogalas Community College there in Tucson??
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Nice work guys....... but we know the real story:
You go to ASU to get an Education
and to the U of A for a Degree........... it use to be called University of Nogales........ but created Tucson for the dump....... dovetailing off of Mike's line..........
When I use to go to the games down in there in the 70"s.. their fans disguised themselves as empty seats....... I think they used mirrors....but the stench was still there.....and still is there...... pu.....
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OK...lets dance....
Lot of ASU smack talk on here....lets break it down!!
ASU has 4 wins..... and no solid wins at all.
ASU beat NAU in the opener. That's a HUGE victory, over a small school. OK maybe not so huge.
ASU beat Stanford......umm the Cardinal are not good.
ASU beat Washington....umm has UW won a game yet? Nope!
Washington State lost to ASU...shocker... I think Wash St. only beat Portland St. and Washington, and got unbelievably embarrassed by Cal, UCLA and Stanford.
In short, ASU is not good at all this year. Honestly, they are horrible.
The only chance that ASU has to save any face is to win the Territory Cup!
I don't think they can take UCLA, but who the heck knows.
Oh Yeah... GO Cats!!
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None of that matters now........ U of A 3 game losing streak..........coming up............ASU 4 game winning steak with same record of U of A....... and beating them again for 4 years straight........Momentum............. name of the game in football......... no MOJO for the mildcats......lousy coach too..........
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Lousy coach......you talking about Erickson?? He really has taken his team to new levels....
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How many championships does stoop the poop have? how many total wins and winning seasons? May want to check your stats first............ and I believe Erickson is 1-0 against stoop the poop........ LOL...
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Always a good topic to bring back up this time of year.
GO ASU SUN DEVILS!!!
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The only joke to be told here is that ASU thinks the have a chance of beating the CATS this year. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Guys please do not make the UA fans upset or water bottles will begin flying and some people could get hurt. ;D :D
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Guys please do not make the UA fans upset or water bottles will begin flying and some people could get hurt. ;D :D
Yeah, that was just about the most messed up thing I've heard this year. Hope they get that punk.
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ok so i wonder what would be said if the folks running the show were to put up a giant net(think field goal) that would completely cover the UofA fan seating area? i mean after all they earned it right?
bet that would get folks attention.
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The worst part was they even found a JD bottle see what that JD will do to ya
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Screw the U......... Go DEVILS>>>>>>>>>>>>
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The worst part was they even found a JD bottle see what that JD will do to ya
Someone threw a bottle of JD?? Or was he just trying to share some with the cheerleaders? ;D ;D
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It was a bottle of beer. They were hoping she could pry it open with her remaining tooth. :angel:
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It was a bottle of beer. They were hoping she could pry it open with her remaining tooth. :angel:
:D :D :D :D :D
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It was a win-win situation. They got their beer opened and if she lost her tooth, her prospects for getting a date would go up. ::)
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It was a win-win situation. They got their beer opened and if she lost her tooth, her prospects for getting a date would go up. ::)
That wasn't very nice :D :D :D :D :D :D
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But it was funny.
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http://phoenix.metromix.com/bars-and-clubs/article/homme-lounge-closing-after/1632468/content
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But it was funny.
Crash i thought you went to NAU? How did you become a mildcat fan?
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Graduated HS in Tucson and went to UofA briefly before transferring. Everyone in my family is a "mildcat", so I kind of got raised to root for the Cats.
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But it was funny.
Yes it was :D :D :D :D
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Always a good time of year to bump this thread... ENJOY!!
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Always a good time of year to post these again... ;)
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Always a good time of year to post these again... ;)
Why the bait? I'm stayin clear.....
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LOL, cuz some other, "Friends" Started it on Facebook... I was going to wait until the week of the game, but they decided to launch the first shot..
They drew First Blood... LOL >:D >:D
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Speaking of first shot...and first blood. Never mind!
That would drop me down to the ASU fans mentality.
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Here we go... It's Game Week here in Arizona. The Big ASU vs. UofA Game. All bets are off, all records are irrevelant, it's just time to get down to business.
Hope to see lots of you out at our big Tailgate Party http://www.azbarbeque.com/forums/upcoming-events/asu-vs-arizona-saturday-november-19th-2011/ It's sure to be a great time.
GO ASU!!!
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It's that time of Year again. Time to bring this "Fun" Topic back on top.
Looking forward to a good game.
GO ASU SUN DEVILS!!
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Time to bring these back for another week of Smack Talking & Fun Times..
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Playing in longjohns is never a good idea.